Harry The Magpie

We have almost hit the 6 week mark and I think we can almost say we know what we are doing, ish, well for the moment anyway!  Things are moving at a pace and Harry is really starting to become interactive.  He isn’t just the shitting and crying machine that he was to start with, he is now developing into the little man that he will eventually become!  He has learned already how to pull us back from the brink after a hissy fit at 4 in the morning and that is with one simple look that melts the heart…


Harry is doing really well and we have made the decision to switch to formula.  I know what you are thinking, how could we, we are such bad parents. Oh wait no.  you are probably not thinking that, but that is almost how I think we are meant to feel.  I get that “breast is best” and all that but there shouldnt be the guilt attached to stopping when we want to.  It’s a personal decision that we have made and frankly everyone else can bugger off.  That being said I have now made a rod for my own back as the nights of using my milkless nipples as the reason for not having to get up and chip in are over.  I now am officially available to help with the night feeds!   Harry seems fine with it and we are slowly stretching out the times between feeds so as to avoid turning him into the stay puff marshmallow man!  We have chosen Aptamil after doing some reading up and that one seems to come up trumps with lots of people.

His sleeping is becoming a bit more regular, though we are still celebrating 3hr sessions and you will all be pleased to know that his 9 day poo abstaining days are over.  He is getting a bit more regular and Nikki and I are already playing nappy roulette with each of us getting a live one every now and then!  Dont get me wrong they are beyond horrific but not quite as bad as I had imagined.  That being said it’s early days.  We did though have an incident which I have to say is the best one yet which can be summed up in 2 pictures.  A before and after if you like…  On the left is a shot of us enjoying one of our first lunches in John Lewis home.  Awww look at him, he’s such a cutie.  The one on the right is me crying in the John Lewis baby changing room covered in another human’s shit.  Yep.  Nappy explosion of epic proportions.



He has developed a whole new thing which is to do an impression of a pig hunting for truffles when in his moses basket, sort of like a grunting sort of thing.  I have looked it up and we think it’s a wind based thing.  Basically Harry, apparently, is learning how to fart on demand.  Isn’t biology wonderful.  We arn’t born with the ability to float an air biscuit on demand!  It’s a cute noise and we have found ourselves willing the fart to come, again something I think we will all grow out of.  After doing some more research we read that getting a simple little bouncer can really help with the bowel air blockages so we ordered one from Amazon and the little man loves it.  It also affords us the 79 seconds we need to smash down some lunch.  In the last couple of weeks this, along with us introducing the dummy (one for a whole other day of do-gooder arguing) you can see,  are without doubt the best purchases we have made so far.


I did something cruel this week and introduced old Harry to football for the first time.  Now that you might think is a nice thing. Until you realise that I am from the north-east and support Newcastle United.  Now having parents from up that end of the woods means that I have had to endure the pain and hardship of being a magpie fan for the last 34 years!

He took to it well with his new kit and to be fair managed to witness us scramble a point!  maybe he is a lucky charm.  Doesn’t he look awesome though!


We have even been practicing his celebrations…though Im not sure he will get to use it all that much.

So, as usual, things I have learned this week:

  1. Babies learn the ability to do controlled farts.  Mind blowing.
  2. Harry is in for a world of sporting pain based on the awful performance NUFC are putting in at the minute.
  3. You have to do what you want with regards to your own children.  There is no right or wrong with things like breast feeding or using a dummy, there is only your way of doing it.  Be sensible and do what you want, you know best!

First Impressions of Fatherhood

So here we are.  Time to reflect on the first 3 weeks of being a 3 person household.  2 adults and one eating, sleeping and crying machine, and boy can he cry.  Before this last month, being the tin man that I am I have only really cried once and that was during the Mr Jingles scene from the Green Mile.  Now I think I cry most nights when I hear the very distinctive stiring gurgle that proceeds a full-blown cry at 3am!  That being said I do think that we are both already adjusting to the sleep deprivation and are already at the stage of celebrating 2 hrs of unbroken sleep at a time.

We have also already become those people.  The over sharers.  The annoyingly proud parents.  I’m fairly sure my colleagues at work are sick of my daily updates and gushes about how Harry magically blinked in a slightly different way to yesterday.  That being said I havent known so many adults celebrate the arrival of the most disgusting pooh the world has seen as did Harry’s recent movements.  It was 9 days in the making so was to be expected.  All of the instruction manuals that we read convinced us that we would be changing as many as 8 dirty (pooh) nappies a day so a 9 day absence added to our daily stresses and my conversations at work. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining, after all I have only just mastered the not getting piss in my face nappy change, I’m certainly not ready for that many horror shows!

Life certainly works in cycles too, the childish whatsapp group sharing horrendous depraved pictures has now been replaced with equally horrendous nappy updates from Nikki with comments like “todays was a good un…”

I have to thank our generous friends and family who have blessed us with an amazing selection of cards (amazingly including 5 of 1 design) and gifts which are all amazing, so thank you.  You will all be pleased to know that this included 2 new starwars hats, a full Yoda onesie and an R2D2 baby grow!  Even the kind people at Google, who I know through work have sent some merch’ through.  It’s a little big at the moment, but we will soon have him Googling!


The biggest shock to the system has been going back to work after the quickest 2 weeks of paternity leave.  Don’t get me wrong it has been nice getting back into a routine and seeing friends again but I feel sad that each morning I have to leave my 2 favourite people.  I will also miss Martin, Lucy, Dion and the whole Homes under the hammer crew at 10am each morning and the inbred colloseum that is Jeremy Kyle – I can see why the government forces these programs to air during work hours.  It must be the best way of forcing people off their asses and back to work.  Harry made his first visit into work today with Nikki as we both worked together and spent his time getting cuddles from anyone we could force him on, the big flirt that he is!

I’m certainly not any authority when it comes to baby advice but I can say with 100% certainty that this little thing is one of the best things we have aquired for little Harry.  We got it from some friends who swore by it and it has already proved itself as the master putter to sleeper during mealtimes thingy maboby!  Im not sure where its from but Harry loves it and instantly comes down from his being murdered cry to a calming sleep as you can see below.



So.  Onto the things I have learnt these first few weeks

  1. Sometimes babies can be assholes.  I know its harsh, but I know that any parents reading will already agree.  Dont get me wrong I love Harry absolutely but I know that he does somethings on purpose.   Things like waiting for me to give him his “kick time’ before deciding to try to pee on me or waiting for me to pretend to nibble his belly before farting, or sleeping just until we manage to sit down and get 1 morsel of food anywhere near our mouths!
  2. Putting a baby down to sleep in his moses is something like this scene below from Indiana Jones.  No matter how long you sit cuddling him into the deepest sleep and how quickly and gently you subsequently put him down  withing 90 seconds he will gurgle and then start screaming blue murder.
  3. Everyone may love their own brand, but that does not hold true for sub brands.  What the hell am I talking about you ask?  Farts.  Specifically Harrys farts.  Sweet jesus they are bad.  I didnt know such a small thing could test a gag reflex so easily!  They arnt the cute things I for some reason anticipated, they would rival most pet dogs.  Here we are again. Oversharing. Sorry.
  4. Aparently gaming whilst watching Harry isn’t acceptable, even if it is to finish The Last Of Us…..(superb game btw).

That’ll do for now I think, time to get some more sleep!