First Impressions of Fatherhood

So here we are.  Time to reflect on the first 3 weeks of being a 3 person household.  2 adults and one eating, sleeping and crying machine, and boy can he cry.  Before this last month, being the tin man that I am I have only really cried once and that was during the Mr Jingles scene from the Green Mile.  Now I think I cry most nights when I hear the very distinctive stiring gurgle that proceeds a full-blown cry at 3am!  That being said I do think that we are both already adjusting to the sleep deprivation and are already at the stage of celebrating 2 hrs of unbroken sleep at a time.

We have also already become those people.  The over sharers.  The annoyingly proud parents.  I’m fairly sure my colleagues at work are sick of my daily updates and gushes about how Harry magically blinked in a slightly different way to yesterday.  That being said I havent known so many adults celebrate the arrival of the most disgusting pooh the world has seen as did Harry’s recent movements.  It was 9 days in the making so was to be expected.  All of the instruction manuals that we read convinced us that we would be changing as many as 8 dirty (pooh) nappies a day so a 9 day absence added to our daily stresses and my conversations at work. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining, after all I have only just mastered the not getting piss in my face nappy change, I’m certainly not ready for that many horror shows!

Life certainly works in cycles too, the childish whatsapp group sharing horrendous depraved pictures has now been replaced with equally horrendous nappy updates from Nikki with comments like “todays was a good un…”

I have to thank our generous friends and family who have blessed us with an amazing selection of cards (amazingly including 5 of 1 design) and gifts which are all amazing, so thank you.  You will all be pleased to know that this included 2 new starwars hats, a full Yoda onesie and an R2D2 baby grow!  Even the kind people at Google, who I know through work have sent some merch’ through.  It’s a little big at the moment, but we will soon have him Googling!

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The biggest shock to the system has been going back to work after the quickest 2 weeks of paternity leave.  Don’t get me wrong it has been nice getting back into a routine and seeing friends again but I feel sad that each morning I have to leave my 2 favourite people.  I will also miss Martin, Lucy, Dion and the whole Homes under the hammer crew at 10am each morning and the inbred colloseum that is Jeremy Kyle – I can see why the government forces these programs to air during work hours.  It must be the best way of forcing people off their asses and back to work.  Harry made his first visit into work today with Nikki as we both worked together and spent his time getting cuddles from anyone we could force him on, the big flirt that he is!

I’m certainly not any authority when it comes to baby advice but I can say with 100% certainty that this little thing is one of the best things we have aquired for little Harry.  We got it from some friends who swore by it and it has already proved itself as the master putter to sleeper during mealtimes thingy maboby!  Im not sure where its from but Harry loves it and instantly comes down from his being murdered cry to a calming sleep as you can see below.

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So.  Onto the things I have learnt these first few weeks

  1. Sometimes babies can be assholes.  I know its harsh, but I know that any parents reading will already agree.  Dont get me wrong I love Harry absolutely but I know that he does somethings on purpose.   Things like waiting for me to give him his “kick time’ before deciding to try to pee on me or waiting for me to pretend to nibble his belly before farting, or sleeping just until we manage to sit down and get 1 morsel of food anywhere near our mouths!
  2. Putting a baby down to sleep in his moses is something like this scene below from Indiana Jones.  No matter how long you sit cuddling him into the deepest sleep and how quickly and gently you subsequently put him down  withing 90 seconds he will gurgle and then start screaming blue murder.
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  3. Everyone may love their own brand, but that does not hold true for sub brands.  What the hell am I talking about you ask?  Farts.  Specifically Harrys farts.  Sweet jesus they are bad.  I didnt know such a small thing could test a gag reflex so easily!  They arnt the cute things I for some reason anticipated, they would rival most pet dogs.  Here we are again. Oversharing. Sorry.
  4. Aparently gaming whilst watching Harry isn’t acceptable, even if it is to finish The Last Of Us…..(superb game btw).
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That’ll do for now I think, time to get some more sleep!

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